PPD

I was at the salon today getting my hair done when I saw a picture of Brooke Shields on the cover of a magazine. She is my new hero so of course I had to read the article. Once again I was floored by the description of the feelings she felt after the birth of her daughter. It was like she had read my mind during that time. After Cameron was born I was so depressed. It didnt make sense though. Here is this baby that I had wanted for so long but yet I couldnt allow myself to be in the same room with him. I thought that Ryan would be better off if I left. After all he was better with the baby then me.

I remember just crying and crying cause I couldnt get him to stop crying. Ryan would have to come in the nusery and just take him from me. I think he was afraid too. Afraid for me and for Cameron. I asked my mom if it was ok for me to love Cameron but not like him.

I have always been an emotional person and very easy to anger but this was much more. Everything would make me anger. I wouldn't take it out on anyone else but Ryan. I have a lot of regrets about that time. And I know things will be different next time.

What also amazed me is that people...women dont talk about this. They dont let their friends know. I felt so alone. And I swore that I would tell every new mom that I know that they are not alone. That what they are feeling is ok and normal. It is not ok to act on those thoughts. But many many many women feel this way after birth and have different levels of the depression. Some are more severe then others. I also want new moms to know that the feelings dont last forever.And things will get better.